Treading with trepidation

To be blocked by fear. It’s such a human quality . In the animal world, fear serves as a warning, a give way sign if you like. Animals feel it, pause and act. But we, the apparently higher order of being stop, stilled with heart racing…the antithesis of emotive baggage. How can we turn the stop sign around?

Anything that may hurt my kids heralds fear in me. That and change. What is it about bringing in the new that has me shaking in my boots? Am I alone in this?

It has been a year of flux which began with our house been sold without our knowledge (we are renting so it wasn’t a case of squatters coming in and popping up a for sale sign!) That seemed to set a tone for the year. It has continued with Change wearing many different masks on its swathe through our lives.

Maybe it’s time to tackle the big one. The surgery I have consistently avoided thinking about. The procedure that would incorporate both pain in one of my children and a big lifestyle change that would impact us all. Or not. Playing an ostrich for a while longer suits me better I think.

Many guises of change are frequent in this house. Changing continence pads, bed linen, clothes, medications. Changing tack or direction to solve those little life problems. The change in therapists, teachers and aides will come soon enough with the new school year. Changing medical staff. These have all sparked moments (or longer) of fear on their first appearance…I think I am now desensitised. (That may not always be true of the continence pads….even a practised hand and strong stomach still shudders at that one!)

Currently the face of Change is a happy one. Yet I’m still a scaredy cat. So what is the solution I hear you ask? Sorry,  I don’t really know. To feel fear is human. To allow it to control our lives is all too easy.  Apart from turning to chemical “solutions” (chocolate being my choice) I say Nike that fear…feel it and just do it anyway. I plan to embrace the current changes and give that stop sign a wide berth….well I’ll try.


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