My horrible not very good day

There is a movie out this week…Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. I entered a competition to see it. Hardly blogable you may think. The entry had a to include a “bad day” description. So I had to think of one. It’s been a tough week here. The girl has been sick. Fever, coughing {oh so much coughing}, suction {so so much}, antibiotics…you get it. Not fun for her, or me watching her. So a hard day seemed an easy thing to describe. But when I really thought about the hardest of hard, it was back at the start.

The doctor wanted to meet. Tests had been carried out; answers were coming. I didn’t know if I wanted to hear why my baby couldn’t suck…why she had a faraway look…why she had seizures. No one was with me that day so a nurse, young and positive, sat by my side….and cried with me as the white coat spoke. “MRI showed…basal ganglia…don’t think she’ll ever….cerebral palsy…do you want to take every measure if the need arises?” I don’t recall how long it took to pick myself up and walk out of that room, but my heart stayed there for a very long time. As it happens my worst, most terrible, horrible, very not good day has given me my best, most lovely blessing. It is a tough, winding road of challenges but she continues to amaze and surprise me.

It was the very worst kind of day. Listening to words which my brain could not comprehend. Walking back into the neonatal nursery trying to induce hope into the seemingly hopeless. Gazing into her distant eyes that didn’t acknowledge me hoping she understood that of course we would take every measure to help her…to keep her with us. From the very hardest she gives us the very best. I hadn’t thought of that day for a long time. Suddenly last week pales. Hard…but do-able. I think that’s our mantra.

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