Spinning

Being the parent of a child with high needs is hard. Not whinging…just saying. These kids have an uncanny knack of changing plans for you whenever the fancy takes them. And I don’t mean in a can’t-go-to-the-supermarket-right-now-because-baby-is-still-asleep kind of way {although I have been there and it is annoying}. I’m talkin’  all-organised-to-go-away-and-have-a-long-needed-break-until-the-kid-ends-up-sick-in-hospital. That’s her style. If she can, she will super-size that sucker.

You know what else is super sized? Mother guilt. Yep I have it coming out the wazoo. She is home from hospital and is improving. She loves the support workers who are willing to step into the breech and fill the respite gap for me. But do I go? Or don’t I go? If I thought I was tired before then several days of constant care and suctioning and cleaning her up and doing sooo much washing and “sleeping” in a hospital “bed”…well you get the picture. I am tired. This job is beyond full time and there is no annual leave. I hear and read much about caring for the carer….but the carer has to be able to drag themselves away first.

Last week I was struggling with the idea of leaving her in respite. Today is a tug of war between leaving her {and her brother who has been sick too} at all and being so desperately in need of time out and so very disappointed at the thought of not having it. There’s a song in my head….you spin me right round baby right round…

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