I love to write. It’s cathartic and expressive. For me it’s necessary. Yet I often get stuck. I puddle about not knowing what I “should” write. I promised myself this year that I would just do it. Five minutes a day was my realistic goal. I was going great guns…until I wasn’t.
The “additional needs parents” club is an exclusive bunch. Shared experience binds us. One thing many of us share is superstition. When my child’s neuro dares to ask how her seizures are going I whisper and bemoan a modern hospital with no wood to touch. (He kindly offers his head…which I truly hope is not made of wood!). I digress. I was doing it…my 5 minutes a day. Until.
I was writing about the girl. The topic was difficult. Following a light bulb moment while trying to declutter, I was expressing the challenge of letting go of the stuff of a medically fragile child when it may be needed to keep memories…or for a memorial. Tough stuff. Then my phone rang. Her carer. “I think she’s had a seizure.” *#$%! It had been ages. On my race home my desire to write took a huge knock. (She’s fine by the way)
Actually the desire didn’t diminish so much as the anxiety and fear associated with writing wrapped my aspiration in a sticky web of what ifs and this-is-what-you-get-for-doing-something-for-yourself. From meditations to Facebook quizzes the answer keeps jumping at me. You need to write. “Should I go back to work?” Write. “Express your creativity.” Write. “How can I help others and create awareness?” Write. I am disappointed to have broken my promise to myself. In trying to find motivation via Catherine Deveny I came across THE quote. “Commit. Find time. Or just find another excuse. The choice is yours.”* Yep.
When people have said I should write a book I recoil. So many words, and about what? I recently came across a copywriting course which felt like a good fit, until I thought about it too much. But the time is now. So I’m committing again to writing, by writing.
*Use Your Words Catherine Deveny 2016